Ask the Ghost ~ 006

[Charlie the Ghost]

The skies darken, and there is an evident air of a presence that surrounds you. The birds and bugs cease to make a sound, and the very air itself becomes icy cold. The wind dies down, and everything is still... for a few moments. Then, there is a voice.

Hurr-hurr-HEE!! Hallo, Foggehs! Have I got a story to share with the lot of ya! I'll skip the intro for this episode and droive roight in!

Yesterday here on Caligo I had a bit of a row with a young bloke I've been hauntin' over the past coupla weekends. Got a Bownyte. The poor fellow's gone a bit sixes and sevens from a mite li''le prank or two. Anyway his job's worth has gone ropey from awll the excoitement. He works at a counting house, and 'e's doin' bloody terrible, all dodgy cos of nerves. So yesterday after I put salt on his doughnut he really throws me a wobbler, shoutin' all sorts o' codswallop in me face.

Can't think straight, he says. Thinks he might lose his job if it goes on, gettin' a load of cack from his old gaffer runs the place, gettin' called a grotty git wot doesn't know fivers from dollars. Naturally I felt bad fr'im, so I told 'im, I says: "Oi Bromwick, I feels juss awful, I does. Sorry mate, sorry. Ur... I know! Should I go give that old berk a right scare nex' coupla days?"

He jumped on that, even though he's got a Bownyte. So tomorrow I plan on 'aunting the 'ell out o' Bromwick's boss. I'll let the lot of ya know how it plays out, but in the mean toime, this gives us the perfect topic fur this episode of Ask the Gewst!

Accountancy

So send in awll yer questions about dosh and lolly, banks and the ol' bureau de change, finances and that. Ye can post them 'ere or send 'em to me Proivut Messuging inbox. I'll faff about fur the nex' few days to answer awll the questions and tell how the 'aunting goes.

I'll see you lot tomorrow, then!
Taw-taw, and that!

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The voice fades. Everything is still... for a few moments more. The gentle breeze resumes creating soft swirls in the unending mist. The air seems less icy, the bugs and birds seem to return as if there had never been a gap in their ambient whisperings. The shade over the sky rolls back. All is as it was. ...for now....

[Guest]

Hey Charlie!

It's me again. You know me pretty well by now, ey? My question is this: do you have any money? If so do you invest or anything? Do you use it?

Have a good haunting,
Miss Dagger

[Charlie the Ghost]

The skies darken, and there is an evident air of a presence that surrounds you. The birds and bugs cease to make a sound, and the very air itself becomes icy cold. The wind dies down, and everything is still... for a few moments. Then, there is a voice.

---

'Allo Foggehs! I've come back! Bromwick's boss is in quite a state, I don't mind tellin' ye. But more on that bit in a bit. Hoo, hurr-hurr.

Have I got any money? Well I dunnow if you could say exactly. Me dosh got awll divvied up after I got bollocksed. Plus I don't really need it, wot with walkin' through wawlls and not getttin' hungry and that. I juss does wot I wants.

But I does use money: other people's. That's mint, init? I spends it on diffrunt nonsense as part of some hauntings. After awll, wot's scarier than yer dosh goin' lost or spent on bugger-all, and awll of a sudden yer on the skint. Or even juss li''le things loike... lok a penny missing for the toll, frinstance.

That's wot I did with Bromwick's boss earlier today. Money troubles from start to end. Had a grand time of it, I did! He's at sixes and sevens himself, now, just like Bromwick yesterday. But I haven't finished with him yet. Meanin' the boss. This was juss warmin' up. The real 'auntin' begins now, at noight. It's gonna be bloody brilliant! I juss stopped off to give the lot of ya this update.

Right then, I best be off. Bromwick's boss is off to billiards at the pub. If he drinks himself rat-arsed, so much the merrier!

Righty-o, see you lot again tomorrow noight!
Hurr-hurr-hee!

---

The voice fades. Everything is still... for a few moments more. The gentle breeze resumes creating soft swirls in the unending mist. The air seems less icy, the bugs and birds seem to return as if there had never been a gap in their ambient whisperings. The shade over the sky rolls back. All is as it was. ...for now....

[Charlie the Ghost]

The skies darken, and there is an evident air of a presence that surrounds you. The birds and bugs cease to make a sound, and the very air itself becomes icy cold. The wind dies down, and everything is still... for a few moments. Then, there is a voice.

---

Back againe! wond'rin 'ow the 'aunting went, are ye? Wait no longah. 'Ere i' is!

Noight before last it wos, yew remembah. Jolly bit of hauntin' I had ahead of me, lots and lots of fun planned. Poltergeistry, and that. Bromwick's counting-house boss, ye recawll.

Right, so there I is, floatin' on into the pub. Music's on, couple chaps horrible singin' in the corner, drinks all around. And there he is, a mister F. Ledger, thin barmy old git with messy brown hair and a bloody Inklaw. He's awlready got a drink in his hand, tryin' to steady his nerves.

First thing I did wos drop an ice cube in 'is glass. That got a well bit of a start out of 'im. After that I set to it, tickling his hair, makin' flaky bits of ceiling fall on his head, givin' 'im a sort of "woooo" feeling ev'ry few minutes, joggling his barstool -- I nearly got him off it -- and genrully bein' something of a Murphy. Instead o' drinkin' more, though, he decoides to drive home. So I hid the bugger's keys.

The walk to Ledger's place was bloody brilliant.

Yunnow 'ow they say you get "tipsy" when you've had a bit of a drink? Literal irony, that. I 'ad 'im tippin' and trippin' and scuffed and scraped for miles before he really started to go nutty. I wos going to keep at it, but then I had a better notion, and I finished the job earlier today. Ledger came in to wurk, and I set on 'im lok a fog in a wood. Barmy bloke coudn't concentrate on 'is job. "Stoppah'!" he says over and over. So I does. And he keeps lookin' over 'is shoulder for the rest of the day. Hurr-hurr-hee!

Bromwick got to see a lot of it, so he's a bit happier now.
Juss right for a bit of an 'aunting, now that he leasts expects it. Hoo-heh-hmm-hmm-hurr-hee.
Now 'e knows me, though, it'll be more of a challenge to get at 'im. Gotta be su''le. Yunnow, sneaky, lok a ninjer.

Wish me luck!
I'spose that finishes off this episode of Ask the Gewst.
Thanks awfully for readin'! Ye're the most!
Be hauntin' you lot again soon! Take care 'n' awll that sort of thing!

And tell awll yer friends,
Chaahley says BEW!!

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The voice fades. Everything is still... for a few moments more. The gentle breeze resumes creating soft swirls in the unending mist. The air seems less icy, the bugs and birds seem to return as if there had never been a gap in their ambient whisperings. The shade over the sky rolls back. All is as it was. ...for now....

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