Whispers from the Spectre

[Spectre]

This will make things easier for me. This isn't for your eyes, though i won't be upset if i have comments or anything from time to time. I will be using this as a stream of consciousness, and a little bit of a personal blog.

This is so much more easy, considering the dark tones and the light text [SOOOO much easier on the eyes]. Not to mention i'm usually down for feedback from other people. Though if you're coming here to criticize[blatantly or otherwise], respond sarcastically, or provide your opinion that will not take this thread anywhere, i will in fact be completely ignoring you. Whether or not you consider it mature or not, is entirely up to you- as the opinions of other people on my personal status doesn't affect me.

The point of this is to set my head straight. With a tertiary goal of letting you folks know what's inside Spectre's head. Haha...

Herein seems to be one of the first posts, though i'll stop it here for now. It's 5am, and i haven't slept yet. Take care folks, I'll chat later. . . likely even tomorrow before i go in to work.

Well. It seems that I officially have some of the worst timing ever. The world has me cornered again! Ha ha...

Last night i spent an hour talking with my girlfriend. She decided it were best if we break up. We did. It was a clean break.

the situation: She and i had been dating for a few months. She is 18, i'm 22. She was afraid to introduce me to her parents for this reason. Her folks are pretty strict, and very religious. That's two strikes against me- as i'm not a very religious person, and i'm 4 years older than her. hah. She's also moving 4 hours away for college, and she figured it probably would be best if things were stopped before getting any more serious. I was incredibly saddened, but i understood her situation. I can't be upset with her, just upset with the situation... We confirmed we still had feelings for each other, it's just a bad time i guess...

I just wish things could always go differently, you know? It's always been ingrained in my brain to fight for things you want, and to make things work when you want them to. Though sometimes things just aren't that simple i guess. I'd always want to try things differently, or go and fight for my hopes discretely... Though I don't want to do that when it isn't wanted, or if it might make things worse. I guess it's up to time... Maybe i'm just bad at losing? Or rather, maybe i'm a bad loser. hah.

I can't blame anyone for the way things go. I can't be angry, or frustrated. Though i AM however frustrated- it isn't because i feel like i've been wronged. It just seems that if it's not one thing, it's another. I'm not sure. Maybe it's not frustration. Probably more on the lines of a mix between disappointment and sadness...

Maybe it's because i don't feel like i have any sort of control over the situation. I think that's why things have been bothering me to this point.



I think the most frustration is about religion, to be honest. [brought up because of her parents] I've dealt with such intolerance from people who are supposed to be tolerant, you know?(((not saying all religious people are bad or intolerant!!! just been unlucky in meeting the few that are 'elitist' [for lack of better word] about it....))) I've been turned on wayy too many times because of it... I mean, is it so bad to believe more in the human race than to believe in something metaphysical? I don't know. Maybe to them. Understandable, people growing up under certain roofs... I mean... I'm supportive of religion as a whole. Though i don't practice anything... I've been known to even go to church every once in a while. ...sigh... i don't know. Maybe im just looking for something to be frustrated with because i'm bad at expressing emotion... heh...

Last edited by Spectre on Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

You'll be glad you broke up this way later. With a set-up like that, it's bound to crash sooner or later, and it's always less painful if you just make a clean break before that. And yes, it still hurts like hell.

*manly hug*

I'm not totally sappy. just bummed out.

but i know what you mean.

I'm sorry that the two of you just broke up. I agree with Fluff that maintaining that relationship though, especially with her moving so far away, would be really difficult. I hardly see four years as a very big age difference though. See, to me, that's nothing (as my own parents are 13 years apart -- wait, is it 12 or 13? I forget...). It's really unfortunate that her parents are so strict. I can understand your frustration with religion also. Both Tony/onenitedrive and I are not religious people either, and at times, it can be really infuriating trying to rationalize with people who simply don't possess logic or reason. It's my own opinion that a lot of people that claim to be hardcore Christians (like you said, not all!) tend to be really confused. To me, that can be really unhealthy.

But anyway... It's understandable that you'd be disappointed and sad. If you weren't, then you really wouldn't have cared for this girl in the first place. It'll get better though with time, and just try to be optimistic and think that it happened for a reason.

Sorry, it sounds like I'm lecturing you now or something? I'm just trying to be supportive. Best of luck with everything, man.

indeed, fate. . .

Though i know time heals most things. I've still got hope that my little bird may some day come back to me though it'd be unhealthy to put my chips on it.

So. The weird thing is, the only thing... at least the only thing i'm conscious and aware of- that can put me in such a sad state is a girl.

Darn you, female race!!

hahaha.

That's true that that may happen someday too.

Awww, lol! Guess that means we're the source of true happiness and true pain.

Women are a pain in the ass. That goes for all of you adorable little hormone-bags.