The Book of Way Back

[Weiss]

This one will need a little precursor text for you to understand the point.

Gunneh, Attie and I were talking in the IRC, coming up with names for a spaceship to explore new planets for an RP. The idea for calling it Genesis was mentioned, as well as my mention of Exodus.

Though the ship was later named BOB, the mention of those two books of the Bible would serve as the preamble for this humorous development. Gunneh later noticed that deviantArt wasn't working properly, so I went to check it. It was, indeed, malfunctioning, but I noticed something funny. If you're not a subscribed member, you can view images from "All Time", but not from "Way Back". So, I mentioned how apparently "Way Back" goes beyond "All Time".

"There's actually a prequel to the Book of Genesis," I said, "called the Book of Way Back. It was a journal that God kept to get him through the awkward teen years."

From this, we formed a running gag, which I am now turning into a forum game!

Here's how it works!

Basically, you format your post as a journal entry from God. It can be about anything, but it needs to be from God's perspective.

Examples:

Dear Journal,
Tried to create a planet today. It exploded. Trying again tomorrow.

Dear Journal,
Divided by zero today. I think I'll call that a black hole.

Dear Journal,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

You get the picture. Basically, you can make the entry about anything, but it's a journal being written by God, usually with funny quips or humorous narrations of what might happen in the daily life of an all-powerful being.

I'm trusting the users of this forum to handle this maturely and not turn it into a religious debacle. This is in no way an attempt to debase any religion or claim that a particular religion is superior. It is not a thread for debating the values of any religion. It is merely a Forum Game with religious influence, so please treat it appropriately. If you do not enjoy the game, do not participate.

With that out of the way, have at it!

[Attie]

Everyone one from that conversation thus far:

<Weiss>: "Dear Journal, Tried to create a planet today. It exploded. Trying again tomorrow."

<Gunneh>: "Dear Journal, Created the first star. It burned my hand. I snuffed it."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, my legos got boring, so I tried making real people. I forgot their food. They died."

<Weiss>: "Dear Journal, Divided by zero today. I think I'll call that a black hole."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, today was the day that I created Chuck Norris. He looks, acts, and reacts just like me! He's my favorite."

<Weiss>: "Dear Journal, Chuck stole my lunch money today. Some mistakes can't be taken back. Lesson learned."

<Gunneh>: "Dear Journal, Apparently I messed up by giving the other universe telekinesis and swords made of light. I guess I'll move somewhere far, far away and try again."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, Mary's pregnant. I didn't know that if *I* did anything to her, her body would react the same way and reproduce. Fuck."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, my favorite part of playing make-believe is when my mythological creatures come to life. Release the Krakken!"

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, she named him Jesus. Now every mexican is going to try and take that name and make himself holier than ever with his Catholicism... "

<Gunneh>: "Dear Journal, So...those Greeks....um....Yeah. Rome should be a winner, though."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, I couldn't have said it better. That /was/ Sparta!"

< Weiss>: "Dear Journal, Decided I'd write a book. For some reason, instead of magically bringing it into existence like I did with everything else, I decided to speak to multiple authors over the course of decades and have them transcribe my words into text. Ambiguity is the spice of life."

< Elric_Gharial>: "Dear Journal, apparently those /were/ the droids I was looking for."

<Attie>: "Dear Journal, YMCA must go down. ... Fuckers." (That only makes sense if you've seen the picture) --->

Spoiler:

<Gunneh>: "Dear Journal. I've got a joke for you: Those /were/ the droids they were looking for! lol I slay me."

<Gunneh>: "Dear Journal, Did he fire six shots or only five? Did he, punk?"

<Elric_Gharial>: "Dear Journal, it wasn't a moon."

<Weiss>: "Dear Journal, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

<Weiss>: "Dear Journal, Met my son, Jesus, today. Seems he fell into a bad crowd and had a rough spot. Tried to hit him with a classic Vader line, but it seems he already knew I was his father. Kind of disappointed, but I let him into Heaven anyway..."

[Guest]

Mine were starwars jokes...

[Gunneh]

"Dear Journal, Put the idea for Scientology into L. Ron Hubbard's head today. This should be entertaining lol"

[Squall Reyes]

"Dear Journal I forgot if I created the chicken or the egg first. Have decided to let others figure it out."

[Attie]

"Dear Journal, today I saw that they gave Alanis Morisette the role of "God" on one of those movie things called Dogma. Her voice killed people. I think they did well. Hah."

[Gadreille]

"Dear Journal,

I just saved energy by switching to evolution! I decided to let life forms evolve via natural selection, and then take credit for the end result!"

[Weiss]

Dear Journal,

In spite of my expansive wealth of knowledge, I have yet to ascertain the number of licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

I think I'll ask Mr. Owl.

[Squall Reyes]

"Dear Journal, I spilled a cup of water on earth today. My bad."

[Attie]

"Dear Journal,

Today, I saw the science books they give to children and I laughed. They think they evolved from apes, yet... There are still apes around today. If this is logical, then where are the cavemen?"

[Gunneh]

"Dear Journal, I give them Utopia and they listen to a SNAKE? The thing must've been a better salesman than Billy Mays will be...."

[Attie]

"Dear Journal,

Saw the Geico Commercial. Saw the cavemen. Hah."

[Squall Reyes]

"Dear Journal,

Today I handed Moses down over 100 commandments. He got angry and dropped smashed them. Only 10 are now readable."

[Attie]

"Dear Journal,

It appears that modern day Earth has finally heard the song Noah sang about being "On a Boat". Old School."

[Gunneh]

"Dear Journal,

Noah and all the animals got on the Ark today. I had an idea for a song, but I don't think 'I'm on an Ark' is a very catchy title. I'll work on it later."

[Squall Reyes]

"Dear Journal

Have decided to kill the dinosaurs. They continually eat my newest creation of man. I sure hope none of the survivors remember this."

[Gunneh]

Dear Journal,

I worked so hard on those unicorns only to see them drown. Oh well...at least Cthulu will have a snack.

[Weiss]

Dear Journal,

WoW expansion released today. Taking a vacation to raid the new content.

[Squall Reyes]

Dear Journal,

David slew Goliath. I had nothing to do with it. Have lost 20 dollars to Satan. Wait a minute....

[Attie]

"Dear Journal,

If Superman were real, I still don't know who would win, he or Batman. I should experiment."

[Squall Reyes]

Dear Journal

Moses and his people took a wrong turn in the desert.

[Gadreille]

Dear Journal,

Homo Sapien killed off Homo Neanderthalensis...going to have to be more subtle with future genetic variation!

[Squall Reyes]

Dear Journal,

My watch accidentally reflected a beam of light to earth. I hear it struck some guy who now calls himself Paul.

[Gunneh]

Dear Journal,

I need to make some revisions to Revelations. How does this sound:

"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Anon, and /b/ followed with him."

[Attie]

"Dear Journal,

It's the first day of spring for Texas and I think I'm going to give them 4 inches of snow. I love taking out my bipolar anxiety on their weatherman."

[Squall Reyes]

Dear Journal,

Why does the Pope wear funny hats?

[Bird of Hermes]

Dear Journal,

Perhaps I should have put a bigger warning label on that fruit. Luckily, suing hasn't been invented yet, or I would be screwed.

[MoiraofWords]

Dear Journal,

I really liked those dinosaurs. That's why the bones are still there, so the humans can revive them. I just hope they have plans prepared for when the electricity turns off.

[Squall Reyes]

"Dear Journal,

I have discovered I am scared of the dark. Have decided to turn on the light."

[Kalon Ordona II]

: "Dear Journal, Apparently I messed up by giving the other universe telekinesis and swords made of light. I guess I'll move somewhere far, far away and try again."

My favorite so far! xD


Dear Journal,
Another sparrow fell to the ground today. Am v. sad.

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