I never forgot, I promise. [Poetry]

[Sighlent]

The title has a purpose I promise, as does this thread. Before the thought of Roleplaying ever crossed my mind I was quite the poet. I've had more than several of my pieces published but I never thought much of it, although my parents did for some reason. The truth is when I write poetry I make myself feel things that I don't typically care to feel, and so for the longest time now...I haven't written anything. I've been at places in my life where I've experience immense pain, unforgivable regret, deep sorrow and then of course I've also experienced bright white joy, and incomparable love! I never wanted to stop but it just sort of happened. For some reason or another I stopped feeling technically. Even when my grandmother died back a few months ago, I didn't even cry. I know it's sad to say this but I didn't. Instead I broke down two months after because I'd wandered off to the cemetery at 3 in the morning and I couldn't find where they'd buried her. Since then, I've been changing. Growing inward and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to bottle stuff up because I'm afraid of who I'll be come if I start doing that. I don't want to become my own worst nightmare. So, I've started writing again. It's hard, but then again when has it ever been easy? I only ask that you be honest in whatever you write when you critique my writings, and that you feel something. If you've felt something, than at least that means I'm doing something right and won't so easily lose the will to give up again. Also, I will be posting some of my old pieces as well to keep you otherwise preoccupied while I write some new ones.

Thank you for your time, and enjoy.

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OUT WITH THE OLD

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Burned
Oh, tell me now, my icy prince, how did you become so bitter?
I once thought that I - merely a star within comparison to the shadow of the sun - could make you warm again,
But in attempt to shoot for the moon I missed completely.
Tell me now, how did she break your soul?
Was it her heart you thought you loved?
Was it her smile that turned your deeds to sins?
Sometimes, when I'm with you I see you smile at me
But your eyes, they belie you and speak only of her name with soft praises and longing,
While I, amongst this constellation of love, am lost upon the rings of Saturn,
Sweating from a different kind of cold from the crueler fate of being burned by love!

No Better Way To Die
I died by your hands that night...

I remember the look in your eyes, the sheer agony burnt by an overpowering love, and I remember only smiling sadly as the coldest steel I've ever felt found it's mark above my heart.
It wasn't your fault that you killed me. It was my fault for allowing you to love me so. If only I hadn't been so freely with whom I gave my heart too, than maybe I would still be alive today.

You said you were sorry over and over again and you tried your hardest to remove the knife from where it lay imbedded into my soul but it just wouldn't budge. No matter how much you struggled for forgiveness, no matter how many tears you cried for me, for us, that knife was as permanent as the blood and sweat that now stained my floors and walls.

"Don't die!" You whispered. Your voice was cracked with pain and chocked by sobs as you hovered over me, my existence then, just a mere measure of a shadow looming within my subconscious. "This was all just some accident!"
Yes, it was all just an accident. It was by chance that we met, for fate that we loved, and by accident that I was dying.

As cruel as that fate was, though, and the further I found myself slipping away, I couldn't hate you. More than anything I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and how much I wished I could have been there for you in the future, but I couldn't.

And so as I lay dying by your hands on my bedroom floor that night, the proof of my death lying all around me, the only thing I could think of was that there was no better way to die

And so I did...

Perhaps and Maybe
The night to exceed all others!
By comparison, that is what they will say when they speak of tonight.
The heavens could not be more promising,
And like twilight we shall pave our own way through the stars.
Our laughter will cure all ailments,
Our love will drown the moon,
As we declare into the night, that we are yet still young!
But what is this?
Be still as death for this cannot be!
So sad indeed, to look upon this otherwise perfect picture and see that we, still young,
Are but total strangers joined only by a bittersweet desire.
We move, we sigh.
We breathe, we die.
All the while in my heart of hearts, I would give anything if only for the chance to ask, if perhaps, maybe you would care to dance?

It's All A Lie
Sometimes, whenever I finally get to thinking that everything will be ok...

And I feel happy because everything seems to be going so good...

Everything falls.

And right now I'm just wondering...

What would happen if one day, I just didn't get back up?

Would people care?

Would they understand?

Or would they even notice at all?

And so...

Sometimes, whenever I finally get to thinking that everything will be ok...

And I feel happy because everything seems to be going so good...

I'm lying.

Reminiscing
Through Barbie dolls and dinosaurs
Awkward clothes, and shoes, and more
Play time, nap time, all the same
"LIFE" and "Clue" our favorite games
Then came the stage we hate the most
With adolescence came the jokes
The understanding, not so much
And yet we knew we must grow up
For times, they'd changed, we'd grown apart
Defining who we were and are
New friends, old friends, now and then
Not yet adults but no longer kids
More teachers, and homework, and harder tests
Pushing and straining to be our best
For soon enough, in time we'd see
Just how easy life could be
And as all good things come to an end
We'll say good-bye and make amends
And say the things we meant to say
Before words ran dry and slipped away
So that maybe when the years have passed
We'll smile as we reminisce
Over Barbie dolls and dinosaurs
Life in general and so much more.

My Evaluation
In a world that demands perfection, it is difficult not to be perfect. But I am not, nor will I ever be and I know that. I often find flaws where there should be none, and then I find the flaws within those flaws and I wonder if perhaps the imperfection is in fact the perfection itself?

Me? What is my greatest flaw? My greatest flaw is my inability to finish what I start.

My entire life I've gone about starting things and then leaving them hopeless, and abandoned. My cheery optimism is often mistaken for just that, cheery optimism, but what would they think if they knew that it is the only way I can bite my tongue to keep from saying what is really on my mind? What would my friends say if I told them what I really thought of them?

He's only dating her because she makes him look good and she doesn't know this because she's to busy cheating on him.
He's in love with himself, and she's a whore - I can only imagine what their kids will be like.

Meanwhile, in another life on the complete opposite end of the social spectrum...

He puts the EMO in emotional, cuts himself when no one's watching and then covers it up with armbands saying he thinks 'they look cool'. He blames his father for everything but then again his father's to involved with work to notice.

But he's too far gone to seek help anyway, and his father's to far away to hear his call. Surely enough it will probably be exactly the same whenever it comes time to bury him. The father will most likely pay for everything out of guilt but only because unfortunately enough he's needed in Japan for an important business merger that his entire career has been riding upon.

Did you know it's like this everywhere, all over the world, in every continent, in every subdivision, in every home? Yes, there is always something wrong, only we as human beings have evolved to the point where we've learned to ignore these little things. To walk away before they see us watching and then bottle it all inside, smiling pretty all the while. We always smile when in doubt; it is, after all, the smarter thing to do. Makes us seem smarter in the process as well.

So...

Who are we now, after you strip away the pretty smiles, the ignorance, the titles, the wealth, and the problems? Inevitably? Well inevitably...we are nothing. And that is what makes us so flawed. We strive to survive in a society in which perfection is a must, but then again, I do believe that perfection is the real problem. And us? Well we're all just a bunch of ignorant, wealthy, title dependent people with pretty smiles.

It's Hard
It's hard to keep a straight face with this secret weighing me down.

It's hard to be honest when I just can't admit the truth.

It's hard to admit the truth, especially to myself, because I'm afraid of what will happen.

It's hard to imagine what will happen because I may get it wrong.

It's hard to be wrong when I want so very much to be right.

It's hard to be right when I know I'm not perfect.

It's hard to be perfect because I can't even keep a straight face.

It's hard to keep a straight face because I'm afraid he might see me.

And I'm afraid that if he sees me it will just make things harder...

Where The Circle Really Ends
It makes no sense
why we keep running in circles
whenever
all we really have
to look forward too
is counting up the skeletons lost in closets
and
throwing these long
dead bodies into boxes.

They tossed me between
the sakura blossoms of spring
as opposed
to the much favored winter
as I suppose
they'd
far figured out by now
that my heart was cold enough.

This Crazy I've Created
Burning with these questions with an undermining answer
Answering these question with a burn.
Burning with a fire that has redefined this passion
A passion that has long consumed my soul.

Words have lost their meaning, as the light was lost in darkness
Yin and yang have crashed my train of thought.
Foreigners invade my mind so that this ocean is arising
And this crazy I've created, I forgot.

Overthrow, an understatement, take it all by force
Our Helena meets dear Lady Macbeth.
Tragedy, an understatement, lose it all by fault and
You will see it precedes you after death.

So burning words and overthrows, a catch with no release
We fin the net and break our necks instead.
Questions never answered meets our lovers never loved
And we ask again if we'd be better were we dead.

These Lying Lips of Fools
Branded by their claims and then numbered by their markings
Broken off and labeled by their names.
Heralded into believing these lying lips of fools
We sin again and die another day.
Fortunes spinning backwards, Karma's lost her lot,
And the Devil's celebrating as we speak.
Inspiration drainpipes are leaking through the floorboards,
Choking me at night when I'm asleep.
Hell is waiting promptly and the fire's out to get me
Though what I've done I may never know.
Wake me up, quickly now, I'm drowning in this nightmare
Or murder me but never let me go.

The Plain Jane
There's a boy in his heart but an entire lifetime in those eyes of his
and sometimes when I read what he has to write I just want to cry
from that honesty, so like needles, that leaves me exposed upon the table.

For I am a book open for the world to read
but people these days tend to hate reading
so these pages have long since dried with dust from lack of affection
and my back is breaking under this strenuous pressure
brought down by the other books like me.

He writes the word and I memorize his rhyme in secrecy
because guys like him can't live beyond the fantasy section of the library
and I'm the reality that he chooses to ignore.

The plain Jane, old school, leather bound with a new age twist kind of girl
that he can only dream about but at the same time ignore.

Ignore me all you want though
I'll still be sitting here where you left me open and vulnerable unknowingly
waiting for you to just lift up your head and notice who I am
and for once have you read me the way I'm always reading you.

Oh Moon, My Angel!
Were this hell surely I would die again and again just to see your face!
Oh heavens compared are merely dots within the sky while you, sweetest angel, you are the moon itself shadowed and clouded by an impending doubt.
Can you not see that the world is yours for the taking? The tides themselves move for you and you alone and without you we would surely drown within our sorrows for the night would then be nothing.

But be not seen moon, and hide yourself for fear?
Of what moon? Tell me so that I may cast aside this veil and win your heart, tell me who it is you fear - or if not whom than what?
Who has caused such grievances against you? Who now? Who?

...

Be silent. I see.
You will not speak of such fear because such fear has for so long controlled you.
You fear the unknown, me included - for you and I we are one in the same now.
You fear everything and at the same time nothing because were there nothing to fear it would surely be the most frightful of worlds.

Oh moon, angel, can you not see?
Were this in fact hell it would only mean that we were dead, but we're not! So live!
Fear not, for there is so much you've yet to embrace!
Fear not, for I am here always...
And angel, one day I promise you will again outshine the heavens and leave all things envious in your wake.

For when that day comes, the clouds will surely pity one another with regrets.

Ever Another Way
Only in her mind
does she
see a thousands seas
of what could
have been?

Sail away.
A way to forget.

The sun sets in the west
and leaves
the east to deal with their
own devices.

Following the light;
she forgets
the night.

She'd sail away forever;
for ever were there
another way, she'd take it.
She would
run
with the wind.

But society forgot her,
so she
forgot society.

And now
she'll never remember
who
we were.

Moving On
2007 has come and gone
and now it's time to move along
back to school, and work, and such
doing little and wanting much.

Make up's, break up's,
and love affairs
pretending and trying not to care
graduations, engagements,
life and death
loser's and winner's;
best of the best.

Pretending to be
and being pretended
it's not what we want
this wasn't intended
but we'll win some and lose some
and find that something
that makes us want to be more than nothing.

Swing through tree-tops
and run through the fields
remember that summer
when we learnt how to feel?

Saying goodbye
and then greeting hello
in with the new and out with the old
we'll frame up our pictures
and take out the trash
both past reminders
of the good and the bad.

And then come December
when we go to look back
perhaps we'll be able to say that
'08 was the best year that we've had.

[Sighlent]

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IN WITH THE NEW

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Lost and Found
It's like I've forgotten.
Fingers in all the right places, they refuse to move save to tremble.
It's like making love for the first time in a long time.
Reminds you of the one who broke your heart.
Or the one whose heart you broke.
It's hard.
Everything's been building up for so long that all you can think to do is scream.

When did the truth become so hard?
When did writing it become so much harder?

Words. Pure. Simple. Love. Lost.

Words are infinitely numerous.
Purity is rare.
Simple is confusing.
Love is frightening.
Lost is safe.

I was lost.

I am found.

I am...

But am I?

Who am I?

Fingers back on the keyboard, the trembling stops.

Waiting
Cold, it's winter - the nights grow longer still.
Gone away is my sweet summer leaving me caught within this chill
that never fades or falters, it never warms or dies.
This chill it is impending, it is the story of my life.

It doesn't calm but it caresses
these lonely sheets beside me, bare.
My sturdy stubborn reminder
of the one who isn't there.

The one stolen off by waters;
foreign or domestic, I do not know.
My heart's missing beat, the pulse that guides me,
the better half of me; my soul.

A Brave Death
Words are the windows and you can't stop the beating of the heart you've got locked inside your mind.
Like a trap is apart of something backwards, a twisted mind means clever lies and you can't outrun the hunt when you're the game.
Afraid is the coward who's smarter than the hero; taking a bullet mid-battle never got anyone ahead in life as everyone knows that the end may be beautiful, but death is lonely.
So would you subject her to dying alone or would you be the hand that stays the knife that struggles above her breasts?
Would you lie and say you loved her like a scientist?
'Let's experiment, love?'
Regardless, is the end result as love and death go together like you and me.
And I may love you but you kill me.

What a Price.
What of words, of thoughts, of worries?
I love you.
I hate you.
Forgive me.
I'm sorry.
Hopes and dreams; always and forever. Betrayal, confusion; the cold chill of never.
Oh this tangled web we weave. Caught again and never free.
What to say? Can't say what I want.
Seeking answers to questions, of which there are none.
Again I write as a way to forget, this crazy I've created, these mistakes; my sins.
Burdens and nightmares, but this is just me.
Lost within beauty, caged.
NEVER FREE.

[Frozen]

I like your poems. I did feel the emotion behind them and they were very good. The first poem you posted was by far my favorite. I love the imagery and the words you used there. Please continue writing! I would love to read more!

As for the editing, I don't really see anything to change. Poetry is what you believe poetry is and you didn't have any spelling errors so I think you're good. ^^ If I didn't get the message across, they were great and I would love to read more.

[Sighlent]

Wow, why thank you very much! It's nice to hear that someone likes them! Generally I just write as a way to vent or whatnot but to know that I'm doing something right is beyond amazing. Thank you for you commentary, and believe me I will, of course, continue to write!

[Frozen]

haha. Good to hear! ^^ Poetry is a hard thing to make everyone like. Everyone has a certain type they will write. Don't write for an audience. If you do, than it isn't real poetry. Speaking of which, I should probably post up some of mine. lol. Keep me updated when you make new ones ^^

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