From the Eyes of Heartache

[Gunneh]

I'm not calling myself on an expert on the subject of love, but over the last couple of months I've been writing my own little musings on the subject. Perhaps it was the loss of an almost three-year relationship that spurred me to this. Perhaps it was something more than that, or perhaps it is just my inner blogger crashing head-on with my inner hopeless romantic to create something more.

Kinda like a Reese's cup with a Philip DeFranco shell and a Nicholas Sparks center...or something like that >.>

In any case, you're more than welcome to comment to your heart's desire. Conversely, and this is the more likely case, you could always just ignore my rantings completely. It's probably for the better anyways.

Either way, it's coming. Brace yourself.

- Gunneh

As of March 31st, 2010, I became officially single once again.

Now, I'm not here to bore you with the details of what did or did not happen, nor do I plan on raping your minds with some long fucking sob story where I play "My Heart Bleeds" on the world's smallest violin. Instead, I'm here to offer each and every one of you a solid bit of advice that I've gained from this whole ordeal:

No matter who you're with, what you're doing or where you're going in life, your main priority should ALWAYS be yourself.

This is the main reason why the break-up occurred tonight. You see, after three years of dating, my ex-girlfriend and I had melded together in the mind's of all our friends. No longer were we Jesse or [insert random girl name here to keep anonymity], but we had, instead, become a "package deal." I can hear Billy Mays' calling out to me from beyond the grave when I make that reference.

"Buy our new and improved Jesse, and we'll throw in his girlfriend at no extra charge! Also, as an added offer, we'll give you in this industrial tub of Oxy Clean FOR FREE!"

Too soon? Eh...it was too good to pass up.

Anyways, the point is that life is too short to not experience anything and everything that you can. You only get one shot at life, so make sure that you focus on you. Sure, it's nice to have someone that you can rely on, someone to greet you when you come home from work or school, someone to fall asleep with at night, but that doesn't mean you should toss it all away at once. Go skydiving! Backpack across Europe! Have sex with a one-legged midget in a dark alley behind your local Wal-Mart! Whatever makes you happy is most important.

There's a time to settle down in life, but it all comes in due time. The ex and I? Perhaps we'll work things out and everything that we'd talked about in the future tense will come to fruition. Perhaps we'll find other people and be content in just being friends.

If it's supposed to happen, it'll happen.

- Gunneh

This is the way it goes, I guess: You build up that ivory tower, you climb to the top, adjust to the atmosphere and then you get comfy. Still, there’s always that chance that you’re going to come crashing down, and that’s something that you have to prepare yourself for. Some of us are lucky enough to have not experienced that kind of trauma in their life, but the majority of you know where I’m coming from all too well. For those of you that fit into the former can count yourself lucky, but you must be certain to not count your chickens before they hatch.

The fact of the matter is that change is a good thing, and heartbreak is something that no one should miss out on. I’m not saying that you should set yourself up for it, but the bad things make the good things seem that much better.

You can’t come out through shit smelling like a rose, but it makes the roses smell even sweeter when you find them.

- Gunneh

You said that comments are welcome, and with my big mouth, I cannot pass it up.

No matter who you're with, what you're doing or where you're going in life, your main priority should ALWAYS be yourself.

I severely disagree. I think there is a very distinct difference between the love in a marriage and love in a relationship. IN a relationship, just dating or even if you live with each other, you have not made that bond to be with each other for the rest of your life. Yes, you SHOULD be focusing on making sure that yourself is getting places in life, and not based on the other person. Does that mean to shove them in the dust and forget anything they want or need? No. Your relationship will end, I can tell you that, if all you're worried about is yourself.

However, in engagement and marriage you are not preparing to better yourself. You're devoting yourself to ONE person for the rest of your life, their happiness, and their companionship. You are not longer just yourself. You are two combined in to one. At least, that is how it's supposed to be.
And when you have kids, it's still no longer about yourself. It's about THEM. Your kids, and your spouse. There is not divorce if shit doesn't turn out right. If you're not going to devote yourself to someone else and their happiness, then you should not have engaged yourself with them in the first place.

I'm not saying you should do all the devoting and not receive it. So you better make sure that person is truly willing and understanding what they're getting yourself in to. It's not a walk in the park. Don't expect it to be. But choosing that person means you've deemed them worth the fight. Worth the struggle. Worth the reward at the end of it all, being.. the rest of your lives.

You know man, I agree with you on this; to extents at least. I’ve talked about it several times with people, actually. Also I have a twisted theory on things concerning the paradox of selfishness and selflessness. That behind most, if not all, actions of selflessness is a hidden and maybe even subconscious drive of selfishness. Take devotion to someone’s happiness, for instance. Chances are you’re either living in misery and doing it out of obligation, which could be traced to a selfish feeling of “I have to do this” type, or because it makes you happy to see them happy. In the latter, you are pleasing yourself by pleasing them… hence a hidden drive of selfish portents.

Anyway, I digress. To get back on topic really, I do agree that you should come first. Why? It’s pretty simple, in my eyes. Someone who has put themselves first and works to better themselves and do what makes them happy is more prepared and able to offer happiness and joy to the person(s) who deserve it and who they wish to graft it upon. Even if you deeply love someone, a true love, but are not doing the things that make you happy… no matter how much you devote yourself to them you’re misery is going to flow unto them as well. So instead, focus more on yourself. And then you can offer that person, or those people, what is deserved and if they are of the right breed they will offer it back unto you.

In the words of Rogue: “Be who you want to be. Be who you need to be. You’re running out of time!”

Basically, to sum things up the way I see it is if you are in a relationship with someone and you both put enough focus into your own lives then things will be better between you. You do what you want to do, and you always have them there and perhaps, even better still, they will share that with you. Be it backing through Europe, skydiving, or the sex thing. All in all though, different things work for different people and some have hang-ups about certain things, others don’t. It all really falls upon finding someone who actually fits into a mold together. And there is no “That one special someone” so such ideas are folly. You just need to find one of those people out there and work towards things. Nothing just falls together perfectly; everything needs to be worked out. No fairy tales, no waiting around for happy endings. Just hard work and difficult first steps.

Meh, end of my rant.