TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS DAY! PLEASE READ!

[Gunneh]

I don't know about you guys, but I know a lot of people who suffer from depression, my own mother included. I've also known dozens of people who self-mutilate because of their depression. Up until lately, I've always been one of those people who just bitched and complained about how stupid I think cutting is, but I've realized one more thing about myself: No matter how stupid I think it may be, and no matter how many times I've criticized someone for being "emo", the threat is out there and it's REAL.

I'm sure many of you know people that cut or are depressed as well. Hell, maybe that description even fits you better than anyone else. Whatever the reason, there are people that are willing to help. One such organization is To Write Love On Her Arms, or TWLOHA, which is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people get the help they need to get through these rough patches in their lives. The video at the top should provide you with some good information on TWLOHA, but I'll go ahead and post some links to some different site at the end of this post.

Now that I've gone through that mess of explaining what TWLOHA is, it's time to move on to To Write Love On Her Arms Day. This Friday, November 13th, is the day when YOU can show your own compassion and dedication to the cause by writing the word "Love" on your arm and showing it off. If you get questions about it, that's when you get to spread the word about TWLOHA and how people can donate if they're interested in helping.

Now, what I'm personally wanting to see from you guys is a FOG-wide showing of this compassion that I know you guys have. Go ahead and write "love" on your arms, snap a picture and post your pics here. We're smart, kind and caring people here on FOG, but I want to see it for my own eyes

Also, guys, remember one thing: If any one of you is going through a rough time IRL and you don't feel like you've got anyone to talk to, I'm always more than welcome to hear your problems and help you as best as I can. My inbox is always open, my Skype and my MSN are almost always online and I'm repeatedly checking my Facebook everyday. We're family here, and family helps each other out in any way possible, and I don't intend not to push that option to you guys just as much as I would to my own blood relatives.

Love is the movement, boys and girls. We might not be able to stop this from happening, but we can damn sure try.

To Write Love On Her Arms
TWLOHA ON FACEBOOK

[The Melancholy Spirit]

Not going to claim I’ve not criticized people for being emo either, but the truth is that cutting isn’t nearly as ‘emo’ as so many people think it is and in truth most ‘emo’ people you come across don’t cut. People who cut do it for a few different reasons, some of them because of a chemical deficiency in the brain while others do it purely because they prefer the physical pain as a manifestation and substitute for emotional pain, which may be caused by the same, or similar, chemical deficiency inside their brain as well. Don’t know for certain on that as I don’t know everything about the subject. My knowledge is, unfortunately, mediocre.

Depression itself also differs depending on a medical condition that is actually not brought on by anything in life, but again chemical reactions in the brain. A guy my father used to work with ended up with severe depression out of nowhere as a result of that and was put on a few medications for it. The typical sort of depression we here about is definitely the more common kind, and I myself am no stranger to it. Hell, I’m sure you’re aware of that Gunneh… no one else around this place knows me that well (I don’t think) but you do at least a bit to be aware of that, most likely.

I’ve never cut myself, though I did think about it a few times. It is a sad thing, truly, and definitely a real issue and a bigger one than most people want to admit. In all honesty, the ties with being emo and cutting are quite sickening, as well as the recent ideas that being depressed and so forth is considered emo… what is more sickening though is the fact a lot of kids these days flock to that ‘image’ for no other reason than to fit in or get the attention of girls. Yes, that does happen. A good friend of mines brother did exactly that, and come to find out most of the other kids did the same thing… anyway, I digress.

Respect and commend you for the effort my friend, honestly I do. To be honest though, I won’t be doing this. Why? A couple reasons really, one of them being that there is barely any chance I’ll even be going anywhere that day. Another is that, well, you know me… I’m a terrible pessimist and this is another one of those issues where I feel the tactic isn’t going to be all that much help. It is the same stance I took on the day of silence for gay rights, or something like that… my memory is a bit sketchy on that day. Still, anyone who does do it earns respect in my eyes.

Perhaps ironically so, considering my pessimistic outlook almost the entire time, I love helping people as much as I can. I think it is weird and don’t understand how much help I apparently am to people, but, as said apparently I am. That might sound like arrogance but honestly, it isn’t… I’ve just been told by several friends that I’ve been a lot of help to them.

I’d offer the same as Gunneh, though I can’t figure out how the bloody hell to put my yahoo address into my profile. ~laughs~ Yes, I know that is pathetic.

Well, I’ve said my piece...

[Kathryn Lacey]

Personally, I probably will do this and not so much because I think it will help but because I think it will be fun. Sad huh? I won't be using permanent marker or anything because I do have a job, but I'll probably use those paints I bought when I entered a face painting contest. Some of them are glittery. ^^_^^

Anyway, I used to be a cutter. I still have the scars from it, but most of them- namely the ones on my wrists- aren't visible unless I play volleyball ((a game I avoid like the plague for that reason)).

For me, cutting felt like control. I do suffer from depression and it hits me from nowhere most of the time. When I feel depressed, I feel like I have no control over myself or over my thoughts. I feel so useless, and all of my depressed emotions swarm my stomach like killer bees stinging at me repeatedly for months on end, but there was nothing I could do- and now I just have to ride the currents because there's still nothing for it.

Cutting helped me feel in control, and it calmed the swarm in my stomach. I actually enjoyed the feeling, and the burning of the healing cuts over the next few days would just remind me that I was in control. I really enjoyed it, and I honestly think I would still enjoy it. I even switched from my wrists to my upper arms because they bleed more, and the more blood, the more satisfying. Don't get me wrong. I was never the sort to take large chunks from my skin. Just neat lines. It looks too sloppy otherwise.

However, cutting is a selfish pastime. I can't stand the looks on the faces my friends and family. It's a look of disappointment and even sometimes of guilt, and I just can't put other people through that. It feels wrong. Even now, I sometimes crave doing it, but I already threw my modified razor in the trash a long time ago.



Despite the fact that I would probably still be doing this if not for my friends and my family, I don't feel like a hypocrite for participating. Hell, maybe if people see it who do cut for different reasons than me, I could actually help them. I know if I was still doing it, I would scoff at the idea of needing help. Obviously, I could quit whenever I wanted. I haven't cut in about two years, and despite craving it when I feel really lost, I can resist it without much difficulty.

I know there are people who can't resist the urge, but I don't know any self-mutilators any more... I do however, know that there are people who went straight from self-mutilating to body modification which kind of amuses me.


Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll stop. I'll be sure to snap some pictures of my painted arms on Friday. ^^_^^

[Reffy]

I'll be doing it Not many people will get to see it though.

Not been a cutter - and never will be - but my hubby was and I've been messed up the head enough to want to take my own life (I didn't even try. The thought scared me in to seeing a doctor, thank goodness!)

Also *hugs* for the peeps in this thread.

Thank you for sharing your life story Kathryn was very brave of you to do so. I'm glad you stopped.

[HurricaneDelta]

After having nearly lost a very dear friend to her own depression- or, rather, the tendency for self-mutilation that came with it- I've been a strong advocate of TWLOHA. In the time between her attempt, and now, we've drifted apart so far there is hardly a way to repair our bond... but even so, I always make it a point to act in rememberance of who she was to me.

I should stop myself before I ramble endlessly and open up old feelings...

[The Melancholy Spirit]

Thought about taking my own life on several occasions when I was younger and came close to doing it a few times. Never had the nerve to actually see though it however, nor did I have the desire to go to a doctor or seek help from anyone. I was an idiot and kept things inside and just handled them the best I could on my own… I still; which probably explains why I’m so damn anti-social and so forth.

In all honesty I am, to this day, amazed that I didn’t go through a cutting face… although I did and still do find certain relieving, stimulating, and also the ‘control’ factor Kathryn mentioned. Of course it also surprises me, at times, that I don’t drink, smoke, or anything either.

Then, my catalyst for dealing with issues is and always has been music and writing lyric/poetry. ‘Tis a great way to deal with things and has always been my escape… probably always will be. That and taking solitude walks into the wilderness or just down a secluded dirt road. It often occurs to me that I like being alone far too much for my own good…

I digress, yet again however… something I do too often as well. Well, Kathryn, at least you will be taking part in something that might actually do some help instead of just sitting aside and letting things pass like me, huh? Regardless, I do actually hope this will help at least a couple people… I just can’t bring myself to actually believe that it will.

[Kathryn Lacey]

I'm going into town on Friday to hang out with my friend. She needs a distraction since things became tumultious with her love life. I'm going to encourage her to paint her arms, too. I think maybe I'll paint one of her arms and she'll paint one of mine, and we'll each do one of our own and take pictures. She loves art, so she should have fun with this.

Anyway, it's not exactly my life story. heheh Just my story from when I started cutting at fourteen and stopped... like... two years ago I think. I wasn't counting. The last time I cut myself was when I had no idea what to do with myself after having a particularly depressing experience with my ex letting me down again. I'm so glad that I have someone more reliable and honest in my life now.

Any thoughts I've had about suicide have evaporated since experiencing my brother's suicide. Now that I think about it, I remember when I was ten year old, he would sometimes let me hang out with him, and once I watched him cut symbols and such into his skin. I remember thinking that he was so strong and brave, that I could never do anything like that because it would hurt too much.

It still feels weird thinking that I'm almost two years older than he was when he died... Eighteen year olds feel like babies- not in a negative connotation- to me. I'm only nineteen- twenty in a couple of weeks- and I still feel so young, far too young to be contemplating things like ending my life forever.

:: hugs Reffy :: Sometimes, I'm glad I stopped, too. heh


I can understand why you wouldn't want to see a doctor for help. I've never been the sort to blad about my feelings to some psychiatrist who I don't know, one who probably has to deal with it all the time and probably just goes by the book. If I talk about how I'm feeling, I do so with friends.

Strangely enough, I have a really hard time opening up about my sad feelings during the time that I'm feeling them. I always feel like I'm going to be a burden. I mean... It's not like I know what to do when people tell me they're sad. All I can do is listen, but I always feel a little helpless that I can't do more. I don't want to make my friends and family feel like that, too, despite the fact that I hate it most when they try to give me advice. Actually... I think I hate it most when they give me "the look," the one that says, "I hate that you're feeling like that. Stop it now. You shouldn't be feeling those things." Like I'm in the wrong for it. I don't think I'm imagining it, either.

Maybe that's why telling those anonymous people over the internet about my feelings is so much easier? I don't have to get that damnable look, and I can tell them right off the bat that I don't want their advice and not have to face another look of theirs.

However, I didn't start cutting because I remembered he did it. I had actually forgotten when I started. I actually saw people talking about how it made them feel better in blogs and such, and I thought maybe I could try it. If all else failed, I'd just have a few cuts that would heal with time, and I would never have to do it again.


I always preferred cutting to any drug. Sure, I smoked a lot, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying. I'm not saying either one is right. I mean... honestly, cutting is less of a health risk than smoking, too. At least making yourself bleed can't give you cancer, and you get to regulate exactly how bad or how shallow or whatever the wound is. When I discovered that my upper arms bleed more than my wrists, I switched locations, and I made shallower, neater wounds. The point wasn't to kill myself. It was just control. Being out of control terrifies me.

The sad thing is, without drugs or cutting, I don't really have a way to channel my craptastic feelings when I have them. I'm not a poet or a real writer. I mean, role playing is fun, but I think for me to channel my feelings and such, I'd have to write a novel or something, and I can hardly manage a decent short story. The quasi decent thing I produced for the contest was a total fluke, but it wasn't even my original idea... well... the setting anyway. The character and all of her experiences were mine, but I made her for someone else's role play like... a year ago.

Anyway, when I feel really terrible, there's no real release. I feel like I'm just being slammed against rocks repeatedly until the current finally slows enough for me to swim away. I don't have music or poetry or stories into which to pour myself. I'm not artistically inclined, either, and photography doesn't really cut it just like writing role plays doesn't because I don't feel like doing those things when I'm in deep because they never come out the way I imagine them in my head... just like they don't when I draw because I'm just not good enough at them.

I'm not sure that my participating in this will help anyone for the proper cause... but if I can help Laura feel less sad about her love life, that's a bonus right?


I just thought I'd add, before I finish this terrible rambling, that even though I've dredged up all of these sad memories, I'm perfectly calm right now. I'm have things to which to look forward like Jonathan's birthday, my birthday, and my visiting him for Christmas. Things are going as well as can be expected in my life, so I hope none of you are suddenly worried about me because I'm discussing my morbid mentality. heheh

That just gave me another thought... Maybe part of the reason I get depressed so often is because I have nothing to which to really look forward during those times.

What's that saying about idle hands? Something negative with it. I'll ignore the religious aspect and just say that the devil part of that quote or phrase or whatever could just be interpreted as doing things that aren't very good for you or for others. I mean... boredom and purposelessness is part of why half ((I honestly don't know if that's an exaggeration)) of the kids in my area are doing drugs. Feeling purposeless is just one of many catalysts that can send me into the abyss, sadly.


Anyway, I don't want to depress anyone with my issues, so I'll just stop there until I'm inspired to rant and to ramble some more. XD

[The Melancholy Spirit]

I believe you in that it isn’t an exaggeration that half of the kids in your area do drugs. I live in a county that is responsible for the most weed growth in the states. They did just a couple week search a year or so ago and found more plants in that short time then they had in the entire country the year before. It is sad, really… Anyway…

My thoughts of suicide evaporated as I grew up a lot back when I was sixteen, after the worst depressing moment I’ve went through was over and started recovering from it. Friends helped me through that, but they didn’t know it. No one but a few people in my family knew what had happened and that was only by circumstance. My friends helped more than anything because they didn’t know about it so there was nothing awkward there. At school, or after it, hanging out with them allowed me to release everything and forget about it for that time.

To this day there are very few people I tell much of anything, and the only reason I tell people a few of the things is because they happened a few years back and I’ve moved on, learned from them, and despite the shit that went on inside my head I’m glad it happened. Sure… I admit I’m no where near that good of a person but I’m at least a slightly better and definitely a stronger person after having gone through.

Aside from that I’ve always been a more reclusive, introverted, loner type… even as a young child. More of an observer than anything, and I’ve always tried to look at every aspect of something, analyzing it and trying to obtain different views and outlooks on things to come up with the best conclusion and such; ‘Tis actually what I do when people talk about their problems with me, I don’t actually offer advice except for on very rare occasions. Apparently I’ve been a lot of help to at least one friend of mine. I ask more questions and offer more views on things (even those I disagree with) on subjects and typically make himself ask the questions of himself he’d not otherwise do… of course he also says I’m very abrasive as well which, granted, is most likely true. Most times I actually don’t understand how anyone can put up with/like me actually. And I’m not joking about that. Honestly, I think if I had to be around myself for more than an hour I’d want to kill me…

I’m sure a decent amount of people here know my stance on the idea that someone shouldn’t be in a relationship unless they can feel like a whole, complete person without that bond and the same stance goes in terms of seeking help from others when thinks are bothering me, sort of. If I can handle it on my own then that is what I do, and I think it makes a stronger person. Not that I’m that strong of a person… obviously I’m not… but still.

I do have a few friends though who are good people… they don’t do that ‘look’ nonsense. And I don’t speak to majority of my family, and those that I do I don’t tell them anything going on inside my head usually. But, those very few friends I’ve kept since I got out of high school are worth it, and if I needed to I could actually talk to them and they’d be the ones who understand. Especially my friend Svenkka, but that guy is a lot like me in terms of not talking about stuff bothering him; except that he gets irritated more easily when people bother him. He also quotes Nathan Explosion at times with “I’m having a hard time expressing myself.” I have the same problem, in real life I can’t talk about anything without it coming out wrong… which is not a good thing in a few situations. Writing is where I express myself, even if it doesn’t make complete sense to others and they interpret it wrong. He hasn’t ever seen any large literature work, but Svenkka has seen more of my lyric/poem work than anyone else and he loves the stuff, even when I think it is trash; even declared that if we do ever get a band going that I’d be the one writing all the lyrics.

Musically I have no talent really, at all. I love playing bass but, truth is, I’m not that good at it; horrible technique, partially to blame because the natural curve of my fingers due to a form of arthritis that runs in my mother’s family, and because I’ve never actually tried to ‘learn’ properly. No formal lessons and I get bored too quickly playing the work of another musician. As for vocals, I can’t stand hearing my voice at all and I think my clean vocals are simply terrible. I can do various styles of the more ‘extreme’ vocals but after messing around with sound recorder on the computer I couldn’t stand hearing my voice still… so who knows.

Role-playing is a fun, a pastime for me… nothing more. Anything I’ve done here is terrible writing, I admit that. Truth is that I don’t take it that seriously because it would be to stressing since I take my writing on my own, closed off forum much more seriously because it is actually aspiration work between myself and two friends. Yet still I’m not a good writer, even though I’ve had several people tell me I am or that they love the ‘way’ I write. I simply don’t see it, there is nothing significant about it at all. The only artistic inclination I have is writing… and while I do write a lot of lyrics/poetry and work on several novel, hell trilogy and saga level, ideas it hasn’t gotten me anywhere, probably never will.

I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore… ~laughs~ Should just stop my ramble that has turned more into a neo-conversational thing than anything and end the suffering from anyone bored enough to read this. ~chuckles~

[Gadreille]

I'll be doing this, will post it up later.

[Kathryn Lacey]

I'm getting ready to go to Laura's to do this. I'm pretty excited. ^^_^^

[Reffy]

(please work >.>)

TWLOHA - The Hope/Love Movement!
(drew it myself)

[Kathryn Lacey]

Aww. I love it! Very nice!

[Bird of Hermes]

I wish I had my camera. My arm turned into an art project.

[Reffy]

I wish I had my camera. My arm turned into an art project.

Does your cell phone have a camera option?
That's what I did. Actually had to learn how to send a text from my cell to my email Very proud of myself right now

[Kathryn Lacey]

Yeah. If you don't have a cell phone camera, you could always go with a webcam or find a friend who has a camera. =3

[Inerio]

I love this.

I had a stint with self harm back in junior high. Though, I hid my cuts on my thighs. A friend of mine since I was in diapers started around the same time. However, when I went to fighting and some drug use she continued to cut. Because of this she's been in and out of mental hospitals and on suicide watch quite often. A few months ago she and I had a bit of a falling out, and I worry everyday that she's not going to be on the other line when I finally swallow my pride and give her a call.

So, I got up a whole bunch of cosmetic crap and went to town on my arm. Here are two pictures. There's a theme in there, but it sounds a hell of a lot better in my head.

Spoiler:

[Reffy]

You should become a make-up artist, Inerio! That looks awesome. The black lines on the first pic look like veins.

Glad you managed to stop. Sorry about your friend. Hope some day you two manage to get back in contact once everything is healed.

[Inerio]

Aw, thank you Reffy. ^^
The only reason the makeup looks so good is because I photoshopped it. ^^;;

[Kathryn Lacey]

Inerio, I love yours- no pun intended.

Anyway, mine isn't nearly as awesome. I'm not so great with painting, so yeah. Anyway, I painted one arm of Laura's and one of my own. Laura painted one of mine and one of her own.

I really didn't have a plan for any of it except for the fact that I wanted to paint my own arm in a bunch of different languages. I just made Laura's all happy and such, and she made mine into an amoeba. She painted buttons on hers.

Her button one had more meaning than just her being a seamstress. Basically, she intended it to be like... buttoning oneself back together, so yeah. ^^_^^

Love in Several Languages ((My Right))
L.i.S.L. Side
Amoeba Love ((My Left))

Button Love ((Laura's Left))
Hippie Love ((Laura's Right))

[Gadreille]

I guess I'm late with this, but I did do it on Friday. Just haven't had a chance to upload pictures. Mine wasn't very elaborate, and nobody apart from family asked me what it was about, but at least I did it.

[Reffy]

Wow. Ryona color coordinated I like it

Loved the amoeba Kathryn Also really liked the idea of doing it in different languages.

I didn't want to wash mine off in the end. The white heart inside the big black heart was just adorable and the Beatles quote fun. I had many questions about it during the day - mostly coworkers and friends. I spread the love that day

[Gadreille]

Yea hehe, I am obnoxiously color coordinated...

It's cool how everyone had a very different style. There are a million ways to write love on your arm!

[The Melancholy Spirit]

Color coordination... oh if only to not be partially color blind... ~sighs~

[Kathryn Lacey]

I wish I'd had coloured pens instead of paints for mine. It probably would have turned out a lot better. However, I really like how everyone had something entirely different. I also find it amusing that Ryona's matched the colours of her clothing, too. XD

[Inerio]

The Hippie Love and the Amoeba made me giggle Kat. I like em. ^^

Ryona, that's really color coordinated! It even seems like you have a pattern going on there! *v*

It's definitely a snowflake thing though. You know, no two "loves" are the same.

[Gadreille]

Lol, Silv gets so annoyed that I have to match, and I have to make Taeo match...Even my makeup & jewelry was purple

My downside is color labeling. My father is colorblind, and it seems that it partially the reason why I am color stupid...For example, I say something is brown, others say its grey...I say it's green, it's blue. I say its red, it's pink. -_- Eggshell, anyone?

No two loves are the same I love it!

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