Share Some Laughs!

by **Fate Flyer** Fri May 15, 2009 10:58 pm

Have a funny joke? Did you hear something that made you laugh? Have a silly dream? Maybe you or someone you know made a hilarious quote. Share anything that tickled your funny bone for the rest of us to enjoy!

So the first thing I have to share is a dream that I had. I texted my fiancé Tony to tell him about it, and we both agreed that we hope I can't predict the future!

I dreamt that I was pregnant and that World War 3 was going on. The entire world was falling apart. I was in the hospital with this nice nurse that was taking care of me, and at one point, Tony was out somewhere, and I kept trying to text him (because I found my cell phone in my pocket), but it was my old cell phone that I had that doesn't have a keyboard on it, and I couldn't remember how to use it haha, so I couldn't text him. Later on, we were trying to escape, since I think the hospital was falling apart and other buildings were collapsing from bombs and such. We had to go scuba diving to avoid it all, but there was no swimsuit big enough for my pregnant belly! So, I had to wear swim trunks and a t-shirt. It was so crazy!

Something else that I thought was funny, was what Tony's friend's girlfriend updated her status on Facebook as. I guess someone called her store (I don't remember where she works) and asked if it was possible to take merchandise out of the store without paying for it because they didn't have the money. They said that they'd pay for it down the line though. LOL! I guess they accused her store of having trust issues when she told them that you can't do that! Laughing

by Shades Of Gray Wed May 27, 2009 2:59 pm

Caution: pain inducing photo below. I know someone who laughed so hard at this picture they gave themselves a hernia.... It's the truth.

by **Fate Flyer** Wed May 27, 2009 3:19 pm

Omg!

Okay, sooo, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what that...creature is! There is but one body part on it that I can plainly identify lol.

by Scarlet_Rivers Wed May 27, 2009 3:20 pm

Haha, what the f-ck?

by Shades Of Gray Wed May 27, 2009 5:50 pm

Mmm, un-fuzzy ball sack.... I giggle every time. *Squee!*

It's a bald cat... like Mr. Bigglesworth... and his proud boys openly displayed over the computer of some poor sod who thought owning such a creature was a good thing. But even hairless balls attatched to a mutated cat needs love....

by **Fate Flyer** Sat May 30, 2009 9:28 pm

(Oh, how Xiantic would love this!)

Kay, so, little fact about me: I love redheads! I'm all for saving the redheads (and if you haven't heard of it, it's basically preserving the redhead genes, since they are slowly going extinct - no joke xD).

So, Tony/onenitedrive and I were grocery shopping a couple weeks ago at Target, and there was this fiery redheaded guy that was working there who we kept seeing. My eyes lit up like he was some sort of mythical creature, and I turned to Tony and said, "They DO exist!" It was the topic of the rest of our shopping day experience, lol. I was saying to Tony, "I wonder if he knows just how special he is? Somebody should tell him. He NEEDS to know!!" Hahaha, and Tony said, "I should go up to him and pet his hair and say, 'You're a special boy!'" Laughing

I was telling my mom the last time we visited back home how I wished I had red hair like my brother (whose hair is more strawberry blonde). She turned to me, frowning and said in a very serious voice, "Jeanette (yes, that's my name)! Nobody likes redheads. You don't want to be a redhead. They have lots of freckles." I about fell over. Red hair is so my favorite and pretty much always has been! I was like, "So you didn't like Nicole Kidman's hair in Moulin Rouge?" And she was like, "Wellllll, I like auburn red, so long as it's not too red or orange." Rolling Eyes

by **Fate Flyer** Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:12 pm

So, I save all of the good quotes from onenitedrive/Tony and I on my computer. Here are all of them I have saved so far. They crack me up! lol Some of them are inside jokes.

"It's Take Your Tony to School Day." -Tony

"I have to put my monkey in the oven." -Jeanette

"Your God is an alien." -Tony

"You stay here with me. You make money by loving me." -Jeanette
"Well then, I'd be a millionaire." -Tony

"Which one's the salad fork and which one's the dinner fork?" -Tony
"I think this one's the salad one... Yeah!" -Jeanette
"What? Why?" -Tony
"Because... It's like, you know, stabby!" -Jeanette
"Woah! Alright, end of discussion!" -Tony

"You're sexy." -Jeanette
"You can't see!" -Tony

"We should get you one of those Intel stickers that says, 'Asian Inside.'" -Tony

"And suddenly, he didn't need gas any more!" -Tony

"Sometimes, at work, I bend down, and I don't know if I'm coming back up." -Tony

"Honey, I'm getting rid of this blanket. It's rude and annoying." -Jeanette
*throws blanket over Tony's head*
"Yeah. I agree. It suddenly got all up in my face." -Tony

"I have pumpkin in places I can't see." -Tony

*random out of nowhere*
"So, um. What would Jesus do?" -Jeanette
*without hesitation* "Probably go cow tippin'." -Tony

"What was that gurgley noise?" -Tony
*without a beat* "Do we have mice in the walls?" -Jeanette
"I hope not. You'd just feed em though." -Tony
"It makes them happy...!" -Jeanette
"Yeah, well we'll see how happy you'd be once they chew through the walls and the house falls apart." -Tony
"Nooo. That wouldn't happen." -Jeanette
"You've seen what our rats can do." -Tony
"Tony, you don't want to kill animals." -Jeanette
"Well, if you think of a more humane way of getting rid of mice if we ever have them, then you let me know." -Tony
"We'd scoop em up and catch them in a cage and then take them outside and say 'Run away, mice!' and they'd run away." -Jeanette
"Wouldn't it be horrible if we did that and then a hawk appeared and caught them?" -Tony
"At least then the hawk would be eating." -Jeanette
"Oh yes, at least the hawk would be happy!" -Tony
"As long as it fits into the circle of life, then it's good. I prefer to call it the circle of happiness." -Jeanette
"Well, what about my happiness?" -Tony
"Oh, you'd be happy too, like me!" -Jeanette
"Oh, that's right. I'm happy when you tell me to be." -Tony
"Yep!" -Jeanette

"How many love tokens did you save up this week?" -Jeanette
"I don't know!" -Tony
"Have you ever been asked that before?" -Jeanette
"No!" -Tony
"Tony, just think - you would have gone you whole life never asked that question had you not have met me!" -Jeanette
"Out of all the things that wouldn't have come out of not meeting you, you pick that." -Tony

"Pick a card." -Jeanette
*Tony picks one*
"What is it?" -Jeanette

"Is it...black?" -Jeanette
"Yes." -Tony
"Is it a heart?" -Jeanette
"...Wanna try that one again?" -Tony

"I just blew up the Earth." -Jeanette
"Thanks. I was living there." -Tony

by Thunder Daddy Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:36 pm

by Minorass Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:57 pm

God-Awful pickup lines that will never work (tried and tested in ye olde pub)
person 1 will be the person searching for a date (invariably male at the moment, in homage to the person who tested them out, thank you Andrew)
person 2 will be the target and give the ideal response (invariably femal at the moment)

line number 1:
1: Did it hurt?
2: What?
1: When you fell from heaven

line number 2:
1: Do you perchance work in the postal services?
2: No... Why do you ask?
1: Cause I could've sworn I saw you checking out my package!

Line number 3:
1: Those clothes look good on you.
2: Umm... Thanks...
1: I think they'd look better on my carpet

line number 4:
1: Is your father a lumber jack?
2: Noo... Why do you ask?
1: Because every time I see you I get wood in my pants!

annnd the final line number 5, the oldest of all and still most pathetic line evercreated:
1: Baby, you tired? Cuz you've been running through my mind all day long

by **Loki** Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:29 pm

Those quotes are awesome!

"I didn't do that because I am drunk, I did it because it was f-cking hilarious!" - Zack

"Cheers to cheersing!" -Chuck

(Hanging out with my girlfriend and best friend.)
"You know how I can tell that the three of us are close?" -Chuck
"How?" -Vic and Me
*Chuck inserts finger into Vic's cleavage*
*Moment of awkward silence*
"Warm, isn't it?" -Me

(The next few take place when my girlfriend was half asleep.)

*Normal conversation over the phone about nothing in particular*
"That's a nice pile of wood you got there." -Vic (Half conscious)
"...What?" -Me

*Vic wakes from her sleep*
"Now all that is left is you, me, and Indiana Jones." -Vic
*Falls back asleep*
Suspect

by Twoface_ecafowT Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:47 pm

I actually just said this the other day, got quite a bit of laughs from the people I was with.

Me: *Answer cell-phone* "Hello?"
Friend: "Hey what are you up to?"
Me: *checks pockets* "Nothing... Oh shit I gotta go I just lost my phone."
Friend: *silence*

by Fluff Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:00 pm

Tony made me laugh really hard for some reason. You kids is crazy, alla y'all.

by **Fate Flyer** Tue Jun 16, 2009 4:17 pm

LOL I would love to see a girl respond positively to one of those pickup lines, Minorass. xD The last one is kind of cute though.

Loki, haha, those are hilarious!

Ha, I hope you found your phone, Twoface!! XD

Laughing

Lol, glad Tony made you laugh, Fluff! He makes me laugh too!

by Drako11 Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:49 pm

One time a friend and I were going around rolling houses and throwing egss (ya I know real ass holes....) Anyways I had just gotten my car and was so proud of how clean it was. he was throwing eggs out the passenger window, then he decided he wanted to throw one out my window right past me while I was driving. So he yells, "BEN DUCK!!!!!" Well my window wasn't down..... SPLAT!!! All over me and my new car... He thought it had gone out the window cause it was dark, and was laughing because he had heard the splat and thought he hit something. Then he noticed me sitting there quietly steaming. "Where did that egg go??" "EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!" XD haha so ya I made him clean out my car while I went to sleep. Razz

by **Loki** Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:43 pm

The following took place about two years ago. My little brother, Andy, and his friend, Jon, decided to bring up the conversation of methods of removing nipple hair around my mom. Eventually the suggestion of waxing is brought up as a joke and the conversation dies shortly thereafter. Cut to a month later when my mother and I were heading to a friend's cottage in Michigan where my brother, Jan, and our family friends were waiting. Along the way Jon jokingly told my mom over the phone, "Don't forget to bring the nipple wax." With that phrase their fates were sealed. Sure enough along the way, mom stops at a store and buys a waxing kit along with a few other food stuffs. Joke or not, now that mom was financially invested, they had no choice but to suck it up and get wax applied to their, you guessed it, nipples (thanks to the help of everybody else restraining them.) Unfortunately Jon's video was lost over time, but I managed to get my phone to record Andy's ordeal just in the nick of time, thus immortalizing the moment on youtube. So without further a due, turn up the volume on your speakers and behold one of the funniest moments of my life.

As I'm sure you noticed, that high pitched scream (that was mainly heard by the neighbors' dogs) occurred before the actual strips were brutally torn away from his body. This is because he had been walking around for the past half an hour dreading that moment with wax strips securely fastened to his nipples. It was this dread that caused his manly parts to recede into an innie (no cold water needed) allowing him to make the aforementioned tone that is otherwise impossible for a post-pubescent male to make.

P.S. Only after all of this did we discover the little warning on the box that stated not to apply to the actual nipple. If only Jon and Andy would have caught that beforehand. I think we can all agree that it is a good thing that they didn't.

P.P.S. I am curious by how many times each of you replayed the previous video, please let me know. I think I'm up to about 20 since I posted this. Laughing

by **Kathryn Lacey** Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:06 am

Wow. I thought that was a little girl screaming at first.

Okay, so I saw this comic:

((Right click the image, select copy image location, and CTRL+V in the web browser to see the entire image if you can't see it here.))
Share Some Laughs! America

and I didn't know what that incident was, so I looked it up on Wiki, and I got a good laugh.

Then I noticed there was a song about it, so I found it on YouTube, and I listened to it, and it also made me laugh, so I thought I would share. The lyrics are found here.