Does this make me selfish?

[Sighlent]

So as many of you know I was born and raised in Texas even though now I'm temporary living in Virginia. Well to me, Texas...where I lived...has ALWAYS been home. Me and my brothers and sister grew up in that house, we all become a family in that house, and it holds so many memories for us all. And when my mom told me today that her and my step dad were going to be selling it and moving elsewhere...I got mad!

At first I wasn't mad, moreso just shut off to the idea that they would really do it, but she was serious. And so of course I was quick to change the subject but I know she could tell that I didn't like the idea. So I started talking to my sister, and then I started crying. And then I got so angry! How could she think about selling OUR home?! But it made me start truly thinking. That really isn't my home anymore is it? And then I felt empty. Like I don't really have a home at all.

Home is where the heart is I know. But when I think of home...the place I truly long to be...that's where I picture.

But I'm an adult now. I'm a wife. And soon I'll have a family of my own. I should be happy that my parents are for once thinking about themselves instead of all of us kids. But I can't be happy and it pisses me off! I know this makes me selfish. I know it does...but it just bothers me so much...this idea. Maybe I'm over reacting, who knows. I'd just really like some input right now from you guys.

Have ever of you ever felt like this? How can I accept this?

[Gadreille]

I grew up in my grandparent's home, which they owned for 30 years, and I was devistated when they decided to move, even though they had a very good reason (bad neighbors). I would have nightmares and that house would be the place I would run to for safety. It took me years to get over losing that house, I could sense my attachement to it based upon my survival rate in my dreams (weird, right?) As I became less and less attached, the house became less and less secure, and in my last dream (over four years after it was sold) the house, in my dream, was owned by someone else. It was after this that I finally let go.

It is completely natural to be attached to a home like that, because it is a physical representation of the safety and security that you feel when you are a child. Learning to feel safe in a family of your own is never the same, because it is from the wife/mother's point of view rather than the child's. But eventually, you will learn how to make your home and feel satisfied on where you are. But trust me, it takes time.

[Sighlent]

Thank you Ryona. That really means a lot to me.

[Gadreille]

You are very welcome!

[Silvan Arrow]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. If you were being selfish, then you would deny the fact that you were selfish instead of acknowledging it, at least in my opinion. That you recognize the possibility of being selfish means that you are still thinking about others, in this case the feelings of your mom and stepdad. I think right now the situation is still so fresh and the emotions are so raw that your reaction is perfectly normal. It sounds like that house, or rather, home, holds many dear memories for you, and you may feel that those memories could fade or become less real over time if you are distanced from the place where they originated.

My mom, and me to a lesser extent, went through a similar situation several years ago. Her parents had to move out of the huge farmhouse where they had raised my mom and her three siblings. I know she had many fond memories of that house, and it's been difficult for her since grandpa died, since that house is one of the few places that I guess help her feel connected to him still. I also cherish my memories of the farmhouse, as I spent a lot of time there with my mom as a kid and played hide-and-seek and other games with my cousins, both inside the house and out in the huge farm property, as we were growing up. However, my grandpa finally couldn't handle going up and down the stairs anymore, and we all knew if was for the best if they moved to a smaller, one-level house. It's taken a long time, and we all still miss the farmhouse, but in the end, we realize that it's the people (our family) and not the location that really makes the memories meaningful.

I sincerely hope that you find peace in this situation. As Ryona said, it takes time, but you will continue to grow in all aspects of your life as you build that family of your own while staying connected with your parents and siblings.

[Kaito]

Since I'm 12 years old I have moved six times. That makes more than moving once every two years.

I cannot comprehend your attachment to your home as I have none such. To me, home is where the people I want to be with are. (that would not be my blood-related family. Much rather, I consider everyone I want to be with my family.)

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